I Know You Had a Rough Year
When someone we know suffers a loss or is going through a difficult situation, we're often non sure what to say. Sometimes nosotros ramble or, worse, say nothing and avoid the person. Only that doesn't assistance at all, and information technology leaves united states of america dragging around a ton of guilt…and possibly isolating someone we beloved.
So, how do we show we care? While every heartache is unique to the person going through it, there are universal emotions many of us experience during times of grief and loss. Peculiarly when those nosotros care about are pain, genuine empathy can guide our words and actions: Attempt thoughtfully considering what kindnesses would speak to yous if y'all were in a similar state of affairs.
Hither are some examples of comforting words to remember about the next time you're struggling with how to assistance someone going through tough times.
Someone you love is struggling with addiction.
TRY THIS: "I want you to know I'thousand in this with you lot. We're going to fight this together." Perchance your friend'due south child is the one suffering or being treated at a rehabilitation eye: You might say, "I intendance most you and am here to listen if you need to talk." One more matter—addiction is a sensitive topic. So keeping your conversations confidential will show your friend you respect their privacy and volition requite them reassurance to express their feelings freely.
Avert THIS: Offering specific communication. Unless yous're sitting in a counselor'south office and you're the counselor, kindly keep your opinions to yourself. A few other no-nos:
"Have you tried quitting cold turkey?" or "Only put your listen to it. That's what I did when I gave up chocolate." It'south very rare that comparisons from your personal experience will assistance, particularly with something as serious as habit. One way to wait at it: Retrieve about something yous love that would be actually hard to requite up. So, multiply it by 1,000. Then, consider this battle a matter of life and death. That'due south a small glimpse of the pain of addiction.
Bear witness You lot Care: Visit your friend whenever possible or appropriate. Or offer to drive them to the rehab facility to see their child. If they'd like, expect in the lobby as an extra force of support. Take them to dejeuner afterward or send them dwelling with a care bundle of comforting things: a cozy throw, a super huggable stuffed animal, some chamomile tea.
Your friend is suffering from mental wellness issues.
TRY THIS: "You are very important to me and nothing will e'er change that." Or "Yous're a wonderful person and I wish I could have away this pain from your centre." Or simply, "Can I give you a hug?" These quotes likewise work for a parent of someone struggling with low, bipolar disorder, or some other mental health challenge. Many moms and dads feel ostracized in what is oftentimes a lifelong battle, and proverb something kind can make a huge difference.
Avoid THIS: "Are you off your meds over again?" Or "Cheer up! The sun'southward out!" Or "I don't understand why y'all can't but snap out of it." Let's pause and call back that a mental health diagnosis is a medical struggle, not merely a little bit of sadness or eccentric behavior. This is a time to exercise existence judgment-gratuitous and accepting of each other.
SHOW Yous CARE: Take your friend out for coffee or drive an exhausted parent to visit their kid at a mental health center. Be present for someone who almost likely feels very alone. One more than tip: Exercise the conscientious thing when talking to a parent with a troubled kid. If y'all have the perfect kid, avoid humble bragging in forepart of them. Information technology tin feel heartbreaking for a parent whose child may never get better.
Your sister just got a worrying diagnosis for her child.
TRY THIS: "I'thou so sorry. I desire to be here for you, in whatever way helps yous the all-time." You could even say, "I'thou going to be checking on y'all more," then commit to calling or making plans with her on a regular basis.
AVOID THIS: "They're going to be okay." Or "My friend'southward son got the same thing and he's totally fine now." Sadly, as much as we want to predict a happy prognosis, it's out of our control. Instead, keep that promise inside your heart and your caring will smooth through.
SHOW YOU CARE: Drop off some groceries at their front door or social club pizza and get it delivered. Pull in their garbage cans on trash day. Send a gift to the family, like movie passes or bring a special treat for the children. Any little matter that tin can lighten their burden volition exist much appreciated.
Your blood brother is going through issues with his adult kid.
Try THIS: "I'm then sorry. It's actually unfair your family is going through so much stress." When grown upward kids are suffering, it's a very troublesome kind of heartache. Approach your loved ones with gentleness and maybe some extra assurance, "I will always dearest you lot and your family."
AVOID THIS: "They're besides old to be interim like that." Or "Your kid needs to straighten up!" Or "You should just cut them off." Tough-love statements aren't very helpful and can add extra anxiety. Yous may take splendid points, just someone once said it'due south better to exist kind than to be correct. (And nosotros agree.)
Show YOU Care: Listen carefully to your family fellow member: what they're saying and what they're not saying. Just having someone to vent to may be plenty. But if you want to go the extra mile, bring over their kid's favorite childhood meal or dessert. A lilliputian reminder of good times might bring some much-needed hope.
Your best friend is moving their dad to an assisted living home.
Attempt THIS: "I know this is very difficult for yous. How have you been doing?" Allow your friend permit off some steam—they may have been waiting for this moment to unload everything on their mind.
AVOID THIS: "Why are you so worried? They'll be well taken care of." Or "Why don't you lot become your siblings to help you more?" From the emotional toil to the financial brunt to the frustrations of the parent-child human relationship, caring for an crumbling female parent or father is no easy task. Our gift to our friends is to non add an extra layer of complexity.
Bear witness Yous CARE: A thoughtful note can work wonders when someone is stretched thin, depleted, and sad to see their parent's declining health. If your friend likes company, offering to run errands with them or take them to a lighthearted movie to get their mind off things for a few hours.
I of your friends is diagnosed with a concluding affliction.
TRY THIS: "You're my friend and I desire you to feel supported and loved." Or "For hereafter reference, I never get tired of giving out hugs, okay?"
Avert: "I'm going to pray for a miracle." You can notwithstanding silently pray for your friend, but your caring presence volition make the nigh deviation. Some other non-and so-helpful response: "Take you tried juicing? I hear information technology can really plow things around." In some instances, your friend might similar your help researching alternative healing and holistic treatments, just information technology's best to follow their lead in this type of discussion.
Prove Yous CARE: Your friend will need different things at different times, from back up during the initial shock to shopping for a nourishing diet to getting dog-walking help on days she feels weak. Go the team together and brainstorm ways you lot tin help as a group. Maybe you make a rotating schedule of who sits with her at treatments. Maybe information technology'southward a standing engagement with the girls. Possibly she wants to put together a memory book for her family unit…and you offer to help.
Your friend recently suffered a miscarriage.
TRY THIS: "I'g so, so sorry. Thank you for telling me. Would y'all like to come over for some coffee erstwhile and talk about it?" Or "My heart breaks for you. I know having a babe means the earth to you."
DON'T SAY: "Yous'll get pregnant again…you lot only wait!" Or "Have you thought about adoption?" Or "At least y'all already have ii kids." Losing a baby creates a deep, aching wound that is oft grieved in silence. Try not to fix this for your friend. Only let her cry…simply hold her hand.
SHOW YOU CARE: Make a handbasket of goodies. Here are a few ideas to become you started: a blanket, teas, an oversized mug, her favorite candy, a pedicure gift card. If yous're a cook, bake her a warm dish to enjoy—or bring in sandwiches if you're more of a takeout girl or guy.
A colleague is going through an extremely stressful fourth dimension.
TRY THIS: "I wish I had a magic wand to make all of this stress go away. But I do have fourth dimension to listen." Or "I know you're conveying a huge burden right now. I would like to drop off dinner to your firm one night." Or "Mind if I bulldoze you to your date? Nosotros can grab a chai afterward."
Avoid THIS: "Information technology could be a whole lot worse." Or "When I'thou stressed, I just go my married man to rub my dorsum." Note: Your friend may not take anyone to lean on. That's why the weight of the world might be then heavy. Information technology's best non to emphasize that signal even more.
Evidence Y'all CARE: Offering to bulldoze your friend to the aerodrome, to their car dealership for an all-day repair (so they don't have to sit forever), or help with some other overwhelming errand or task. Get them a chair massage gift card or leave a warm breakfast pastry on their desk-bound. Sometimes information technology's the smallest things that really bring light to a night time.
One of your friends but lost their pet.
Endeavor THIS: "Losing a pet is and then very difficult. They're family and they'll always exist in our hearts." Or "I'g and then sorry. You two were the perfect pair. I know you loved each other very much." Or "You gave Sonny a wonderful life and he gave you then much joy. I always liked hearing your stories near his antics and promise you continue to go on telling them."
AVOID THIS: Comments that downplay the grief. "At to the lowest degree your true cat lived a long fourth dimension." Or "I think yous should get a new puppy!" Or "Oh, really? That sucks." Fur family is family and being sensitive to that will bring comfort to a very sad time.
SHOW YOU Intendance: Find a cute film on Instagram of your friend's fur baby and put information technology in a frame for their desk. Write down one of your favorite anecdotes of their beloved pet. Become a personalized stepping-stone with the sweetness pet's proper noun, and every bit a bonus, bring a institute that tin can exist added to the garden in their memory.
A friend is going through a messy breakup.
Attempt THIS: "Fifty-fifty though things are rough right now, I want yous to know you're a great guy and your friends care about you lot." Or "It's painful for a relationship to finish. We desire you to know nosotros've got your dorsum."
Avert THIS: "You're too skilful for them anyhow." Or "I ever thought they'd exist the type to crook." Focus your efforts on supporting your friend in a positive way, not cut down their ex. A good thing to remember: Leave the venting to your friend…they'll probably be fine taking on that role.
Testify Y'all Intendance: Invite your friend to see some live music. Or maybe help them pack up property that trigger unwelcoming memories. You could fifty-fifty bring over a pizza and binge sentinel a thriller or comedy serial. They'll probably like the company more than they know.
Source: https://ideas.hallmark.com/articles/encouragement-ideas/comforting-words/
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